New Year

Last minute ascent of Matt G's Seeker before forest roads closed

Latching the jug on Seeker

Ben on Mike's Arete 

Latching the throw on Misadventure of Captain Stabbums

Bobby climbing something on Smilodon Roof 

Flesh Eater PC: Bobby A.

This is going to be a bit different from the usual entry.

I used to talk way more back in the day than I do now. Maybe I deserved it, or kids can be assholes, or both, but I think I shut up when I was 13. I regret it. I used to be wordier too back in the original days. Now, I feel like I can't get words out onto a page at all and I struggle to say anything more than single word responses. I'm trying not to repeat an experience that happened half a lifetime ago, or more, or less, so I'm going to try to walk down a different path. 

Is it weird to put this on the internet? Probably. But so is putting up videos of yourself, so whatever.  

I was going on a walk today and it just occurred to me that although the Covid pandemic has officially been declared "over" since May 11, 2023, which is, technically, about 8 months ago, life still doesn't feel that way to me. The world has kept spinning, and I've definitely felt like I've been stuck in place. That's not a great sign. 

In retrospect, it was not very surprising. Unlike the summer, it was a very disorienting fall. Life, my job, and the school semester took up a lot of time, and as such, I didn't feel like I had enough bandwidth left to do things I wanted, even if I wanted to. Logistics were another hassle entirely. I like to think that I was more happy-go-lucky but it went away this fall. 

I do derive a lot of joy from being outside and moving around. Climbing, and exploring have been the means for me to do so in recent years. Usually that would be enough. A few months ago, I heard a phrase from a fellow climber that has stuck with me longer than I would like to admit: "We're [climbing] here just to kill time." 

The phrase has affected me a bit more than I would like to admit. There's a lot to unpack on my sentiments for this phrase, but to put it frankly, I think the phrase is fucking bullshit, and yet, it has echoed in my brain for the last 4 months because it has also held kind of true to my current situation. I don't know how to process this sentiment. Time enjoyed or done to achieve something worthwhile to the individual, is never time wasted. But for some reason, climbing hasn't been as fun as it used to be. 

I've been trying to change a lot, both in and out of climbing. But since this is a climbing-related page, let's go with that. Primarily focusing on roof climbing used to never bother me, but over the last few months I've gotten quite irritated at the thought of feeling (and being) a one-trick pony. It doesn't help that I feel like I hear this sentiment a lot. I've been feeling like a freak of sorts, where I can do a unique style of movement, but for everything else, I feel like a total beginner when I have to do a more normal style of climbing. I've been trying to push out of my comfort zone onto other terrain, to little-or-moderate success. It's a bit daunting thinking of having to redo the amount of time and work to learn skills that everyone else has (or thinks I have), and in that way, I'm also just stuck in place and I need to backtrack. You know that feeling when it seems like everyone is speaking in some secret code, and you're just not getting it? It's kind of like that. Except, you also know a language that others don't really care about. 

In that regard, it's shaken a lot of confidence I had because well... confidence comes from trial-by-fire success, and I don't have much at the moment. Currently, I've been bouncing from area to area, and trying a whole bunch of new things I normally wouldn't, and it's been strange, and humbling to not be able to do things most others can. I've lost a lot of patience as well, and it's something I'm trying to learn again. Thinking you know something, but also learning it again is such a weird feeling. I'm not really sure what I get out of airing this out on some page on the internet, but at least it's out of my mind. But maybe, just maybe, after a while, I'll come back to this and I'll realize that putting it out on paper was the first step.